U.G.L.Y., we kinda have an alibi.

If the Hawthorn win last year was American Pie Tara Reid beautiful then last night was post public surgery Tara Reid ugly.

Carlton have done magnificently playing defence for us but if the Lions had of continued that third quarter run, not even the third coming of the Jesus over the Easter weekend would have prevented the likes of Damien Barrett and Jon Ralph rifling through Hardwick’s bin on Tuesday morning.

While it wasn’t one for the ages Although the tape should be burned, an ugly win in that situation is a billion times preferable to what might have been a sack-the-coach loss. Even if Dusty wasn't all the worked up about it.

It isn’t that long ago that any Richmond was reason for wild scenes for all involved so underwhelming victories are still something on a novelty, I just hope they’d let Bindy and Bob go home because nobody under the age of 18 should have been exposed to that first quarter.

It shouldn’t have been a surprise that the game was more George W Bush than Andy Warhol. Brisbane are insanely young and despite our status of failed contenders, we still had nine players last night who’ve played less than 50 games (Arnot, Astbury, Ellis, Gordon, Griffiths, Grimes, Lloyd, Morris and Vlastuin).

On the same day that David King gave us the dreaded Herald Sun ‘Moneyball tag’, man of the people Ricky Petterd and Shaun Hampson were among our very best. Petterd was everywhere when we needed him and, though his kicking is at times questionable, his fearless attack at the contest is exactly what we need with Rance injured and probably still after his return. Hampson’s ruck tap work is amazing and lead directly to at least a few goals from stoppages and it is no given that Maric comes back as number one. Gordon also deserves a shout out as we wrestled back control when his run was introduced and I wish him all the best at Port next year.

It may have had more to do with the opposition but a few things that have been off started to click. Grimes still can’t get anywhere near the ball but has his timing back in the contest, Chaplin didn’t fumble, Grigg worked his way into the contest, Titch found some easy ball, midfielders started to run again and our strategy for going inside 50 no longer resembles the final days of the Soviet Union.

I hope to god they aren’t getting too far ahead of themselves because if they produce tripe like they that against Hawthorn, we’ll likely be beaten by a record margin. But they are our bitches (get that as many times as possible this week) and while our players are kicking their feet up tomorrow, Hawthorn will be yet to even pick their final 22 for what is likely to be a brutal affair on Monday. 

I’ve a suspicion that may have been the last time we’ll see Jackson, Arnot and Thomas in the same lineup for the sake of fluidity. What Thomas lacks in finesse he more than makes up for in tenacity and I’m confident that he can be parked in the VFL without destroying his ego and rolled out if required later in the year. Over the next three weeks we’ll hopefully be able to slot Deledio and Lennon into the 22 which should open up our running options and take some of the pressure off Houli and Grigg who, in short, aren’t good enough to play through the defensive pressure they’ve copped of late.

One of our most bizarre statistic categories continued as Brisbane ‘out bounced’ us 13-1. Our average is now just five a game (Carlton 16, West Coast 15.5 and Port 14.7) coming off a 14.2 average during the grand times of last year.

Too often this year our first option has been to look sideways or stop all together, but during the second half against last night we began to rediscover the magic of the switch rather than just closing our eyes, bombing it 45 metres out of the backline and thinking of England. The former reflects far better on us than the latter.

I was near certain they’d come out all guns blazing towards Cotchin and was almost a little disappointed they didn’t so his fellow midfielders weren’t able to avenge their pathetic abandonment of him last week. It is undoubtedly coming though and I’ll be very keen to learn what both Cotchin and his mates have learned.

Votes

5: Ricky Petterd

4: Trent Cotchin

3: Shaun Hampson

2: Jack Riewoldt

1: Dustin Martin

Leaderboards

The Benny

13: Trent Cotchin

10: David Astbury

9: Ricky Petterd

7: Shaun Hampson and Jack Riewoldt

5: Steven Morris

4: Matt Thomas and Sam Lloyd

3: Ty Vickery and Reece Conca

2: Brett Deledio, Brandon Ellis and Nick Vlastuin

1: Ben Griffiths, Orren Stephenson, Daniel Jackson and Dustin Martin

Blair Hartley Appreciation Award

9: Ricky Petterd

7: Shaun Hampson

4: Matt Thomas

Anthony Banik Best First Year Player

4: Sam Lloyd

Joel Bowden’s Golden Left Boot

N/A

Greg Tivendale Rookie Medal

4: Matt Thomas

1: Orren Stephenson

Championship belt

Incumbent	Winner	Streak	Wins
NA	Cotchin	1	1
Cotchin	Astbury	1	1
Astbury	Riewoldt	1	1
Riewoldt	Astbury	1	2
Astbury	Petterd	1	1

If you are still reading what is wrong with you? But you must really like your footy so it's best you head over to the magnificent Demonblog's account of their win against Carlton.